On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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