we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
