You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your penis caused this!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
