Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
