By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
