there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
