hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
