she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
