A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
