last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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