i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
