today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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