Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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