I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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