I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
