Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
