Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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