Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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