I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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