I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
