I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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