well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
