So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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