You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
