I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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