first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
