Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
