Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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