Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
