can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
