tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
