pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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