I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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