That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
