I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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