I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
