i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
