Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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