pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
