so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
