you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
