just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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