What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.