Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it