they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...