it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!