I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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