I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
