guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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