I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize