i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can I color on your dick again?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
