Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
