Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
