Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
