I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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