there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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