let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
