Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
