Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
