He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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