Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
