ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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