i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
