I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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