bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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