I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it because I queefed?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
