Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
