oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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