I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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