Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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