hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
