She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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