Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We left the knife in your bed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
