Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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