I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
