Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize