I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
